Over this past year, my journey has been an unwavering commitment to self-discovery, a dedicated exploration aimed at dispelling the illusions perpetuating limiting patterns and rediscovering the joy of living. Through intense battles with my demons to the nurturing practice of self-love, I have gained clarity in many areas and have begun to heal lifetimes of wounds. As New Year's Eve approached, I had one remaining burning question I was determined to answer before the year closed.
How do I connect with the things I know I want?
Here is an insight into clarity: one must create space for it to blossom. If I am constantly asking the question, I am seeking, and therefore not in the mindset for receiving the answer. I believe this is what is meant by Abraham Hicks regarding being in the "Receptive Mode".
For many years, many moons ago in my youth, I celebrated New Year's Eve at a grand event called Together As One. Dancing in community was one of my favorite ways to end one chapter and begin the next. In February of 2023, I was introduced to ecstatic dance which has reestablished dance as a regular practice for me twice a week on Wednesday's and Sunday's.
On New Year's Eve I awoke early, eager and ready for the day ahead. I set my intentions—to elevate my vibration in community through movement and to allow cathartic release of that which no longer serves me in solitary meditation. Balance has been a major theme in my growth.
As fate would have it, the final day of 2023 culminated on a serendipitous Sunday. My day began in the community of ecstatic dance, entering the space with the purpose of conjuring as much joy as possible through movement. With each step, I sought to elevate my vibration and disperse any lingering, unnecessary energies within my body. This rhythmic preparation would lay the foundation for an evening of deep introspection and self-reflection. Both were meant to serve me in shedding the old and embracing the transformative potentiality of the new.
During the contact improv class before dance began, the opening exercise unfolded in a series of unhurried, synchronized movements with a partner. The instructor shared a poignant insight that resonated deeply.
"Don't move unless you go together."
The exercise became a meditation on slowing down, a deliberate exploration of co-creative movement that blossoms when attuned to one's partner. Unlike the conventional dance of one leading and the other responding, this practice invited us to harmonize our movements, forging a dance that emerged from the shared space of connection.
Although my partner and I may not have fully unlocked those energies, the deliberate pace of the exercise allowed me to transcend my mental noise and be more present within the nuances of my body and the spaces of contact with my partner. This mindset would serve me greatly later.
As the curtains drew on the class and we gathered in the opening circle, I called out my intention for playfulness. With the first notes of music, I surrendered, allowing its gentle cadence to rouse and prepare my body for the unfolding movement adventure. The melodies, pulsating with incredible energy, infused the collective atmosphere with vibrancy—transforming the space into a canvas of energetic, joy-infused dance, laughter, and jubilant calls.
Consciously, I took up space. I began to frolic, traversing the expanse of the room to tap into various pockets of energy, offering well wishes to the radiant souls in this beautiful community. My dance experience became a mosaic of connections with many partners, each contributing a unique thread to the intricate tapestry. Some dances flowed seamlessly, while others were not as well matched. Yet, with every partner, infectious laughter and radiant smiles filled the air.
As the dance settled into conclusion, a profound sense of fulfillment enveloped me. Many of my dance companions sought me out, eager to share their experiences with me. The feedback, overwhelmingly positive, focused not on my looks or style, but on the playful and positive energy I infused into each connection. It was a heartwarming acknowledgment, and I carried that euphoric wave all the way home.
I settled in and allowed the quiet of the evening to transition me gently from my heightened state at dance to something cozier and more supportive for introspection. I turned my attention inward, reflecting over the year. I was ready to lay it to rest and begin anew. After hours of sitting with myself, a resounding clarity emerged from 14 months of digging; including the answer to my burning question. These are the treasures I uncovered.
I had a handful of experiences that etched themselves deep within me - some positive, others less so. These interactions served as mirrors, reflecting areas where I needed growth and healing. Once I identified what I received from those experiences, I was able to release my attachments of clinging or resistance. I offered my gratitude to those people, places, and things with love and forgiveness. Everything holds its place and time in my life; nothing lasts forever.
Choosing an alternative lifestyle as a faerie sparks the curiosity of many. Unknowingly, I have been shrinking the complexity of my being to help others be comfortable with why I live my life this way. Playfulness, one of my highest values, loses its charm when it is explained away. The life I create is for my personal fulfillment. Magic is not meant to be understood, it is meant to be enjoyed.
I uncovered my Why. Being a faerie is how I live a life of intention and alignment with my values of freedom, creativity, and playfulness. I am crafting a lifestyle and philosophy (faelosophy) to support a life experience of my choosing on my terms.
Among my myriad interests, talents, and abilities the role of homemaker emerged as a cherished skill I had greatly undervalued. This offered profound insight into the motivations of my personal and professional desires, bringing continuity to seemingly disparate threads of interests. Despite the tapestry that began to weave together the creative empire I will embark upon, a sense of disconnection lingered. Thus, my burning question was finally answered.
My intention for a life of playfulness came as a result of synthesizing and refining childhood dreams into tangible realties. I've been forging ahead for my inner child, wanting to give her everything she ever wanted and more. I was consistently met with little progress, much resistance, and heavy feelings of discontent. In truth, I robbed her of her ideas and abandoned her, and myself, in the process. We both suffered greatly. As the improv teachers' words echoed in my mind combined with many years celebrating New Year's Eve at Together As One, I resolved to reconnect with that beautiful person within me and co-create a life that supports us both.
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